Derek Webb is starting this awkward conversation that you’ve been wrestling in your mind.
If anyone has those doubts, better to be honest and sit with them long enough to feel settle about it than to feel like you gotta jump either way because really is what I see too many people going through deconstruction doing. Maybe because they’re just too anxious to rebuild a grid in which they can look at the world to make it make sense or they are just reactionary and angry so they want to jump from one fundamentalism to another so they want to go from “I know for sure this is true about God” “Now I know for sure that this is true about God not being there.”
No, I want to go a little while and say “I just don’t know what’s true” and I want to be opened to it being true but I also want to be opened about the fact that I am not persuade right now. I want to hold the space for that and I don’t want to rush my way through it because the stakes are just too high.
Because if it’s not true… then I am in no peril to investigate because I am not losing anything. And I would want to know that it’s not real.
If He’s not there, I need to know that and if He’s not there, then I am at no peril to go through my season of doubt because He is not there to help me anyway.
If He IS there and it does all wind up to be true… then I also feel at no peril because God is bigger than your doubts and He can withstand the doubts of one of His little creatures that He created. I am not going to make Him not true by going a few years doubting Him…
I can’t believe also that if it is true that my being honest about the doubts that I have… could be suddenly… separate me from God’s love (Romans 8).
In either case, the only peril is if I ignore it. The only peril is if I ignore my doubts or I am fearful of my doubts and won’t articulate them… There is no peril in walking through them and pulling it up by the root, really examining, getting it sorted out.
An extreme move in either direction, you should have no fear about. It’s the sitting and in fear of your doubts, never acknowledging them, that’s what can be unhealthy, in my opinion.